Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
