Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
