Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my being single is dangerous.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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