You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
