I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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