census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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