I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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