nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
