The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
