Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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