What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
