ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
