um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wear drunk well.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
