i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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