I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
