Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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