We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
