I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The air was thick with penises
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
