Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
