my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize