this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize