Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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