I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
