Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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