I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize