Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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