I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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