No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
