I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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