The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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