TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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