This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
