I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
