your parents love me but you hate me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
