Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
