He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize