An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
