I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
