I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
