i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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