Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
