So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
