I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
