I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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