Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
