I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
