i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
third nipple confirmed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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