Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
