i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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