Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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