Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
