ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.