I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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