I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...