I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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