There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it hurts more in the daytime
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms