Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.

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  (352): She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all. http://tfl.nu/8svu
  Replies (31) Good night (2826) Bad night (1384)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

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  (610): NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS. http://tfl.nu/4d7u
  Replies (17) Good night (748) Bad night (3106)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?

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  (703): Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck? http://tfl.nu/yx1h
  Replies (185) Good night (4197) Bad night (1265)
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  (315): View more from New York

  We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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  (315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah." http://tfl.nu/z1lt
  Replies (82) Good night (1581) Bad night (22123)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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  (612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5
  Replies (8) Good night (3186) Bad night (820)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're doing a case race on Saturday.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"

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  (301): We're doing a case race on Saturday. (302): I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism" http://tfl.nu/1jnr
  Replies (5) Good night (4015) Bad night (908)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.

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  (606): only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/lmd6
  Replies (29) Good night (1924) Bad night (1804)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"

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  (+44): If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine" http://tfl.nu/ib5o
  Replies (6) Good night (1026) Bad night (534)
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  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

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  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
  Replies (12) Good night (2314) Bad night (547)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...

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  (301): well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train... http://tfl.nu/vvir
  Replies (2) Good night (881) Bad night (494)
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  (925): View more from California

  I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...

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  (925): I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year... http://tfl.nu/2wth
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (432)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

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  (318): A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?" http://tfl.nu/oinl
  Replies (5) Good night (1729) Bad night (470)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (5) Good night (2686) Bad night (443)
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  (916): View more from California

  He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.

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  (916): He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying. http://tfl.nu/67jj
  Replies (2) Good night (728) Bad night (320)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

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  (903): And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention http://tfl.nu/er1v
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (272)

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