I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
