Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
