I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
