I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
