I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to stop coming to work sober
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
