today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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