Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
