Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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