I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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