You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They have beer where we have blood.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
