Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
