I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
