Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
