I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He shit in the fireplace
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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