Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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