You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
