She's JV to your varsity
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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