I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
