My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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