I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
