porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
