did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
