That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
