God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cannot find my penis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
